Chapter One “I hate Christmas.” Ally didn’t say the words out loud. She never said them out loud. Think of the reaction they would get from so many others. But then…maybe not so many? She took a silent survey of the faces around her as each sat in their own little worlds. They perched on cold plastic benches, eyes not meeting others, their shared conveyance a subway car clicking, clacking, zooming along in the darkened world beneath the crowded New York City streets above them. A cocoon that was its own world until one had to fight others to return to the concrete jungle above it. Then the race would begin again…humans scurrying to their destinations, day after day, night after night. Speakers blared their canned holiday music. Even though they were just at the beginning of November. Were they planning on skipping the poor turkeys’ day altogether this year? Already storefronts glittered and gleamed, enticing others to come inside and spend their hard-earned money on gifts that were touted to be must-haves in a world that already had too much. Yes, what if I just spoke the truth out loud? Would anyone care? Would anyone hear? What difference would it make? Ally pulled her long brown tweed jacket closer around her and sank her chin farther into the folds of the cheap scarf she had wrapped around her neck. Just another layer of cocoon against the world around her. She walked with her head down, eyes on the cracks in the sidewalk that was under constant construction, or destruction, depending upon the neighborhood. Her neighborhood consisted of a three-block row of identical cracker boxes…at least that is how she thought of them in her mind as she looked at their square front and long, narrow lengths. They each had six steps up to the door, which then opened on a tiny hallway of two doors and an even smaller stairway to floors two, three, and four. She was on the third floor. And she shared the two-bedroom apartment with its one bathroom, and the living room/kitchen/dining room combo that was really grand-sounding, but the dining was two TV trays in front of the small two-person settee and old leather rocker/recliner that had seen better days twenty years before. In fact, the whole group of their furnishings came from the same place as her meager wardrobe…the neighborhood thrift store. Thankfully, she had reached the steps just as a light mist began to fall from graying clouds that had threatened most of the afternoon. The night was going to be another dark, cold one, which only added to her spirit level…in the wrong direction. Ally made the measured climb up the threadbare carpet of the staircase just as she traversed the streets on the way to and from her workplaces, by autopilot. She was thankful she had already gotten the small grocery list of staples two days ago. Her hand rummaged around inside her shoulder bag for the key ring. The new weight on it paused her fingers. A stab of sadness enveloped her, and she allowed her forehead to rest against the chipped gray paint of the front door of what had been her home for the last eight years. Ally remembered the days when she would not hesitate to open the door, step through and be greeted with a warm smile and inquiries as to how her day had gone. The smell of home cooking would fill the tiny four-room apartment, and she would feel a warmth grow within her and a smile could not be held back. Her hand paused on the doorknob. The key was inserted but first came a deep breath to help steel herself against the wave of painful memories that had never stemmed in the four weeks since the warmth and light had gone from the tiny corner of the world, she had called home. Nothing would change the inevitable so best to get it over. Ally stepped through the doorway and shut the door behind her with a loud thud. The three locks were turned, and her keys went into the small ceramic shell that sat on a table beside the door. Her shoulder bag went onto the peg on the wall behind the table. The sound of claws on the tile floor from the small kitchen put a smile on her face and she turned to widen the smile into a grin. The little furry missile was headed straight for her, ears flapping like dual flags, tail waving side to side so fast that its bottom was fairly lifted off the ground in its fervor. Ally clapped her hands and then the furry missile was scooped off the floor and buried in her arms. The dog’s wiggling body made her laugh. She liked to think that just maybe the dog was trying to make up for the absence of its mistress. Silly notion perhaps, but then maybe not. Annie Pickett had worked her special magic over people in her life, and Ally wouldn’t doubt she had instructed her little Teddy to make sure to look out for her when she left them. Would the pain ever be less sharp in her chest? People said it would. But so far, she could prove them wrong. “Were you a good boy today? Did you play with your buddies in the park? Let’s find the note and see what Laura has to say.” Laura Reyes was a teen neighbor from the fourth floor. She and her mother were good neighbors, and they looked out for each other. Ally settled on the faded sofa and Teddy sat patiently awaiting the verdict at her feet. “Teddy was a sweetheart today.” Ally glanced over at the dog who seemed to have an angelic smile on his face at the news. “However, he had a problem with the English bulldog from across the park, who doesn’t seem to fit in too well with the rest. Teddy finally grabbed his ball and ran away with it. I gave chase and we delivered it back to the pouting dog and his stuck-up owner who said Teddy was a mongrel ruffian. Teddy got an extra doggie treat when we got home because he isn’t a mongrel ruffian. Hope he won’t be grounded from playtime tomorrow? See you at the usual time,” Ally read. “You might not be a pure breed, but you have more class than that snooty bulldog. And he is almost twice your size at that.” Her gaze softened on the mix-matched animal. That was how she always described the dog in her mind…but never out loud. Annie wasn’t too certain of what breed…make that breed…might have come into play in Teddy’s pedigree. His ears resembled floppy fur flags when he was in motion. His body was short and compact like a terrier; his tail was bushy like a fox’s. There was a perpetual smile on his face that held big black button eyes that could melt anyone’s heart. And Teddy had owned Ally’s in total since the moment they’d laid eyes on each other all those years ago. “You should try to remember that you aren’t a playground bully. At your age, you need to leave that to some of the other pups.” Then a dark thought crowded into the moment. She had lost Annie too soon in her thinking. And that left her Teddy. He wasn’t a spring chicken either in dog-to-human years. In human years, he would be in his eighties. But she wiped the rest of that thought away. Don’t borrow trouble, girl. She could hear Annie’s admonishment even now. More than once those words had been sent her way. “Tomorrow, you get an extra hour with Laura,” Ally said, folding the note and standing. Teddy began to dance around. He knew the routine. And it was solidified as he followed on Ally’s heels toward the front door. She took down her warmer insulated jacket and pulled it on. Her good shoes were traded for serviceable boots with a thin layer of inside warmth. The outside fake leather could better handle the wet streets of the evening. She checked her pockets for gloves and found them. When she reached next for the leather leash, the dog at her feet added a couple of twists and even a slight hop. Ally bent and snapped the leash to the collar. She laughed at the joy of the animal and hoped to capture some of it on their walk. The last item she added was her bright red knitted cap that was her birthday gift last year and handmade by Annie. She tucked the small songbook inside her purse, and it then went over her shoulder and the pair were ready. It was all Teddy could do to maintain composure to follow her slower steps out of the apartment. But it was he who led the way down the stairs with her laughter following him. Darkness had fallen like an early theater curtain call across the city dubbed the ‘City That Never Sleeps.’ Although in her little corner of that world, Ally knew that at least it slowed down after dark when people arrived home and suppers had begun, homework was started, and tired feet were allowed to slow before the next shift. In her case, they were off to the tiny stone-fronted church three blocks away. It had become a weekly ritual for the last four years of her life. She often accompanied Annie to services following much encouragement from the woman after she had accepted her generous offer of a roof over head one rainy afternoon. It turned out to be a godsend, a miracle of sorts, that their paths had crossed in that moment. And there have been more such moments over the years. Annie had taught her to believe and have faith, and to be able to use the strength she had built inside to be the impetus to reach for more than she thought she could ever expect. Ally knew she had more work to do on that score, but she would have to do it alone now. Thursday evenings were the time she was expected to be at the small church. The routine was automatic for her and Teddy. They would enter down the flight of steps at the side of the building. Down a short hallway filled with coatracks for outerwear, then the smell of hot chocolate would greet them, fresh-baked cookies still in ovens would soon be ready for their breaks or after the choir rehearsals. Ally knew she was lucky to be able to have Teddy join her but the students in her children’s choir had vocally pleaded with Pastor Nesbitt and the man had succumbed to Teddy’s big eyes with his own plea. Teddy had a box with a comfy pillow underneath the piano in the small rehearsal room. He took his spot and only came out at break time when Ally gave permission. Then he enjoyed doggie biscuits while the humans had the cookies. Annie would often come along and sit in the back, eyes closed, smile on her face, as she enjoyed the sweet angelic voices learning the hymns of her own childhood. She had given Ally the courage to say yes when the pastor had asked one day, two years ago, to take over the choir. She had taken a big step in her mind. And had been rewarded with such joy ever since. But what she still found hard to believe was that others found her voice to be worthy of attention. While she would use it to teach the children and to hide behind others in the adult choir when needed, there was no way she would agree when the pastor would ask her to perform a solo at Sunday service. Baby steps. The group of eight students, ranging from five to nine in age, three boys and six girls, came bustling in, with hugs for Ally and pats on the head for Teddy, who then retreated under the piano. Maggie Davis, a retired schoolteacher and their volunteer pianist came in soon after and it was down to business. Ally loved this part of her day, and it was why Thursdays were special. Although she was acutely aware of the empty chair at the back of the room. Or maybe it wasn’t. She tried to think along those lines, but it was still too raw a loss of such a magical and strong spirit. “The voices of angels! That’s what I hear in this room, Miss Ally.” The short, rotund man stepped into the room on the last stanza of the song right before cookie break. His words trailed behind the announcement of the cookies and milk being served in the dining hall. With a smile and nod at the children’s expectant look in her direction, the room was quickly emptied of little bodies. “Thank you, Mr. Jacobs. Forgive the thundering herd that just heard the call to the goodies. They are all treasures to be sure.” “Indeed, they are and so have you been to them.” He smiled as he came to stand beside the piano. “Beautiful accompaniment also.” Of course, he was a little partial as the pianist was his sister. She stood and shook her head. “Well, the pianist needs some sustenance also. I’ll leave you two to follow the herd and myself.” She left them. “You aren’t in the mood for cookies?” Ally asked as she noted the man seemed to have something on his mind as he continued to stand with a thoughtful look on his features. Annie always referred to it as his ‘lawyerly look.’ “In a few minutes,” he responded. “I do need to have a few words with you. About Annie’s last wishes and her will.” Ally felt a sudden sense of losing her appetite as her stomach tightened. It was a natural reflex she had developed, which often heralded not so good news. First law of preservation…make the first move. “What’s the bad news? No use waiting on that.” His small smile twitched a bit under his mustache. “I just wanted to make certain you could still make the formal reading tomorrow. And the specific instructions to you will follow.” “Yes, I took a couple of hours off. I’ll be there on time.” “That’s good. And don’t worry, my girl. Annie was indeed of a sound mind and thought everything out to the last detail. You know you can always trust her to know best. Now I am going to grab a cookie and my granddaughter and get home. Have a good sleep tonight and be safe going home.” He gave her a fatherly pat on the arm and left her. Ally sat down on the piano bench. Teddy sensed something and moved to sit at her feet, his eyes watching her movements. With one hand she rubbed over his soft fur and tickled behind one of his floppy ears. “It’s silly to wish that tomorrow was behind us, I know. We will get through it. Same as always.” She just wished she felt as certain as she was trying to sound out loud. Annie had always had the ability to sound confident and look for the silver linings and all the good things. Ally wished she could have bequeathed to her those attributes in her will. Why hadn’t they had more time for her to learn more from Annie? Annie…the woman who had risked a chance on taking an orphan from the streets of New York under her wing, giving her a roof, a job, and an opportunity for a better life. Ally had left that uncertain, frightened mouse of her young self behind thanks to Annie’s tutelage. Only she hadn’t taught her by book lessons and tests. She had taught her by living life each day…facing good and bad and making the best choices. When she failed, she learned from it. And she never repeated her mistakes again. And facing another night in an empty apartment with just herself and Teddy was only the beginning of yet another lesson. Sleep wasn’t all that much after they returned home. With Teddy on constant watch from his bed beside hers, she didn’t close her eyes until the early morning hours. Arriving at her first job as cashier at a popular bakery and café right off Broadway, she felt the effects by mid-morning. Then she had to rush to be on time to meet the five-year-old twins she did after-school sitting with at one o’clock. By the time their aunt arrived to take over since Ally had arranged to leave before six due to her meeting with Mr. Jacobs, she was filled with both a headache and a draining tiredness. She knew a lot of it had to do with anxiety that overshadowed the lack of sleep and uncertainty of what was to come. The secretary showed her right to Mr. Jacobs’s office upon her arrival. “Come in, my dear. Have a seat. You are punctual as always.” He spoke from behind his massive oak desk strewn with papers and open law books and empty coffee cups. “What would you like Clara to get you? Coffee, soft drink…” “I’m fine. I just need to hear what you have to tell me.” “I see. I can understand. There are several things to get through so let’s just jump right in.” He slid his glasses from the top of his head to rest on the bridge of his nose. He picked up the top paper from the stack in front of him and cleared his throat. He read the brief will about Annie being of sound mind et cetera and Ally listened to each word. Then he paused and she knew that the real items were about to begin. “I’ll summarize a lot of this, and you will have a copy of all these papers handed to you by Clara when you leave. But let’s get to the main points. You are her beneficiary of all she left. There are a few requests of odds and ends she left to certain acquaintances and those will be dealt with. I am the executor, and my office will help you in any way we can.” “She left me her apartment?” Ally managed to ask that question for her own peace of mind. But it didn’t elicit the answer she hoped. “She left you instructions on what she wanted done with it. While it would certainly be correct for you to think that it was part of her estate, she left instructions to you for what she wanted. She wants the apartment to be sold. In fact, she had already secured a person who wanted to give the asking price and take possession of it as soon as possible.” “What am I to do? Where do I go? I don’t…” She stopped when he held up his hand. “Annie knew that you would not need the apartment, but you would need the money from its sale plus her savings to handle her wishes for what she needed you to do. I will simply list it and then we can discuss the questions you might have.” Ally fell silent. Her world had imploded even more than she had dreaded. And there was more to come. “Annie’s cremated remains are to be taken, by you, to Destiny’s River, Texas. I believe she had often thought of it and shared her feelings about it with you?” Ally could only nod in agreement. How was she to make this happen? “As you know, she has an automobile stored on the outskirts of the city. I believe she gave you driving lessons in it. Anyway, I have seen that it is in top condition and ready to transport you and her to Texas. She ensured that you would have more than enough funds to take the trip, and then to set you up for a year once you leave Destiny’s River…should you want to do so. She wrote instructions as to what you were to do once you arrived there. And she also left another letter for you to read in hopes of understanding why she placed this…her final wish on this earth…in your trusted hands. “She never had children or any family to speak of over these many years, until there was you. We had many talks over that time, she and I, and I can say with all candor that she saw you as her family. She was proud of you, how hard you worked, how much you cared for others and herself, and she wanted nothing but to leave you well able to continue to find your own dreams. But first, you’ll take her where her heart never left. To the place she always considered home even though she was so far from it in miles. Rest this evening and read her words and then call me. You and I will begin this journey to send you on your path to Texas.” It seemed with each step she took from the lawyer’s office to the subway…the same word kept repeating in her head. Texas. She had listened to the stories Annie told of her life there. It always seemed like a far-off country in Ally’s mind. One she never imagined ever to see. Now she was expected to make the trip on her own to this foreign land. It was so far away from what she knew. From anyone who knew her or she them. But it was Annie’s request of her. The last one she would ever make. And she hadn’t ever asked much of herself while she was alive. But Ally owed her so much. Taking her to where she’d longed to be for so many years. And then leaving her there. It would be very hard. But she would do this last thing for the only person who had showed her what it was she wanted…to have memories like Annie did of a beautiful place where love grew, and people were welcomed, and families could flourish and grow. Texas. Would it welcome her, too?